This is not a renovation hack job- it is an original construction hack job, which actually makes it worse. It is a hack job that results from an original plan built from the ground up. There were many moments when someone - anyone - could have looked at the plans and said "wtf?". Only an epic commentary can fully explain the epic hackiness of this ole southern style diddy. . .
[fade in from black]
[it is the year 2059. we are in the tech lab of the international home building council]
[pan to TECHNICIAN, sitting at controls with CAPTAIN nearby.]
TECHNICIAN: Captain! We have a problem with the InstaHome 9000!
CAPTAIN: What in hell, man?!
TECHNICIAN: I don't know, sir! I must have set incorrect parameters in the symmetry tabulation field!
CAPTAIN: Sweet Mary, look at this mess! There is no symmetry at all! How can you mess up just evenly placing openings on a large rectangle?!
TECHNICIAN: *sobbing* I don't know! It is just my first day!
CAPTAIN: Well it will be your last! Out of here now!
[TECHNICIAN exits]
CAPTAIN: *looking at image on monitor - pensively to himself while slowly shaking head* My God...even the asymmetry is asymmetrical. How could this happen? Never again...never again.
[fade out to black]
(photographed in Greenwood, Miss by me December, 2009.)
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